Here We Go Again...

In May of 2013 Devin and I decided it was time to begin the process of bringing another child into our home.  We have endured many, many months and even years in our combined process of trying to have children, so I was a bit reluctant to meet with my doctor yet again to begin the long process of pills, shots, procedures, and months of waiting, but I knew I wanted another baby, and I knew we were meant to have more.

First and foremost, I am grateful for my children.  I am sincerely grateful that through the miracles of modern medicine my body has been able to successfully carry and deliver two healthy babies.  Sometimes it is difficult to keep my head held high when I am taking medicine that makes me emotional and mentally off, but I am incredibly thankful for the end result.

After beginning the process in May, four months and a chunk of money (ouch!) had gone by without any success.  This is always right around the time that I start to get frustrated with life.  I tend to ask God why I can't just get pregnant on my own for once, but then I am always reminded of the two beautiful children that I have already been blessed with.  Patience is a virtue--even if it is pure torture learning how to be patient.  When September rolled around, and our saved funds were basically diminished, I was again becoming very agitated.  We had attended the temple together, and while I was sitting in the Celestial Room, I had the distinct feeling that another baby was coming. I told Devin I wanted to try to do an Artificial Insemination.  Devin is the best when it comes to things like this.  He is just so calm and understanding, and all the while I am an absolute wreck!  Stupid pills.

At the end of September I was pretty devastated to learn that the procedure had not worked, and I was not pregnant.  Sigh.  At this point I went to Devin and told him I wanted to take a break, and was nervous about spending more money on trying.  Devin was contemplating changing careers, and we were dealing with some big life decisions at the time, and I wasn't balancing life or handling my trials well.  However, Devin pushed me to try one more month regardless of my fears and frustrations.  I don't think the timing of it all could have been worse.  In the almost six years we have been married, I don't think I have ever felt quite so stressed.  The only thing that held me together was remembering the temple experience I had had, so I decided to have the procedure done, spend the money, and just wait for the end result.

Instead of praying for a baby like I normally had, I told God that I was feeling overwhelmed and needed a break from infertility.  I had decided to stop all visits to the doctor, and just focus on all the hundreds of other things going on in my life.  At the end of October, a few days before Halloween, I called Devin on the phone and told him how disappointed I was, but that I was certain that my period was starting.  I have never in my life been so convinced that Aunt Flow was minutes away.  However, about an hour later I was cleaning the bathroom and noticed a pregnancy test on the shelf.  At first I gave the test a dirty look (after all, it has been my enemy for the last five years!) but then I just had a simple feeling that I should take the test.  I did my thing, and walked away continuing to clean.  Minutes later, when I had gone back to the bathroom to put something away, I glanced at the test on my way out the door.  Pregnant.  The word on the test read pregnant.  With shaky hands, I picked up the test and held it close to my face.  I was certain that upon further examination I would see a big fat NOT in front of the pregnant.  Nope.  Pregnant was all I saw.  I couldn't believe it.  I immediately grabbed my phone and called Devin.  When he answered all I said was, "I am pregnant."  I think he probably thought I was crazy since I had been in tears just an hour before because I knew I wasn't pregnant.

I am incredibly blessed.  I had no morning sickness with this baby.  I have not had the usual side effects I have had in the past.  Everything has gone so well.  I am gladly 17 weeks right now, and couldn't be feeling better.  I am grateful for answered prayers, even if they aren't answered right when I get them.  I am grateful for the temple.  Without it I am sure I would not have tried one more time, and I wouldn't be expecting a baby boy the end of June.